Songs to Play While Staring at Jack Schlossberg
Diving into Jack Schlossberg’s Birth Chart and the Ultimate Playlist for Your Delusional Kennedy Obsession
There is a scientific reason why you can’t stop looking at Jack Schlossberg. And by scientific, I mean astrological— which is really the only science that matters when explaining why this man is so magnetic.
I ran his birth chart because I take my playlist-making very seriously, and that involves deeply researching the subject sometimes. And honestly? The results explain everything. It’s not your fault you’re in love — it’s really the universe’s if you think about it.
If you want to skip straight to the Staring at Jack Schlossberg Playlist— here you go:
Who is Jack Schlossberg?
Jack Schlossberg, born John Bouvier Kennedy Schlossberg, is 32 years old— and scientifically speaking, the hottest Kennedy alive. You don’t have to take my word for it. The laws of nature, physics, and inherited genetics have already confirmed it. Oh, and did I mention he’s Jackie O and JFK’s grandson?
Vogue Political Correspondent since 2024. He gives us politics and breaks it down with that brilliant mind and unique Kennedy perspective. Also, keep in mind, he is highly qualified due to his actual credentials— regardless of his familial ties.
Holds an MBA and a Law degree from Harvard. As if being a Kennedy wasn’t already enough.
Someone seems to have mysteriously broken his heart in late 2024. Ever since, we’ve been blessed with cryptic, sometimes-love-letter, sometimes-full-spiral videos. A Kennedy in his Shakespearean era? We are confused, but certainly listening. Jack has since apologized.
Jack is an avid paddleboarder. In 2017, he participated in a charity paddleboarding event around Manhattan, showcasing his adventurous spirit, which aligns perfectly with his Sagittarius North Node
His one true love? Usha Vance. Yes, the Vice President’s wife. Well, at least for the next 1,405 days as of this writing— but who’s counting, right? I wish Jack the best of luck in his Usha endeavors. He may actually have a shot after that "Drops of Jupiter" streetside serenade.
Jack Schlossberg’s Birth Chart: Why You’re Obsessed
Thankfully, Jack Schlossberg was born January 19, 1993, in New York, NY. I couldn’t find a birth time, so there’s no rising sign or houses to work with.
If I had to guess? Jack Schlossberg is probably a Gemini Rising. He’s just too smooth and quick-witted with the comebacks to only have the one Gemini placement (his South Node). He’s got that effortless charm, fast-talking confidence, and ability to verbally spar with anyone — all of which scream Gemini Rising behavior.
🌞 Sun in Capricorn at 29° – If you don’t know, 29° is a Leo degree. Leo degrees rule fame, sex appeal, monarch energy, and the entertainment industry. So yeah, it makes perfect sense that people are magnetized to him. It also explains why he is the presidential edition of Mr. Steal-Your-Girl.
🏛️ Capricorn Stellium – Jack’s birth chart is all business (except for that Cancer Mars, but we’ll pretend we didn’t see that). He has a four-planet Capricorn stellium made up of his Sun, Mercury, Uranus, and Neptune. This Capricorn dominance gives him a CEO-level resume, a strategic mind, and the ability to roast people into submission with terrifying efficiency.
⚖️ Jupiter in Libra at 14° – The planet of luck, expansion, and opportunity boosts diplomacy, relationships, and public influence in Libra. This means he’s astrologically primed for a thriving political career. The 14° Taurus degree anchors it with power, stability, and abundance.
There are some challenging aspects in Jack Schlossberg’s birth chart (all the red lines), but for the sake of this super fun post, I will ignore those. 🙈
Why Listen to This Playlist While Staring at Jack Schlossberg?
This playlist is about longing, delusion, and chaos—which is exactly the emotional experience of scrolling through Jack Schlossberg photos while procrastinating your entire day away. Naturally, it features plenty of Lana Del Rey—the patron saint of the entire Kennedy family.
There are classics like “Gimme More,” “Crazy in Love,” and, of course, “Drops of Jupiter”— so you can close your eyes and pretend you’re Usha, sneaking off to a dark corner of the White House while Jack Schlossberg gives you a little serenade.
Play this when:
📸 You’re staring at photos of Jack Schlossberg.
📱 You’ve just snapped out of an involuntary daze after scrolling through Jack Schlossberg edits on TikTok.
👀 You’ve fallen into the Usha Vance / Jack Schlossberg / JD Vance love triangle rabbit hole.
I know. It’s a lot to process. Which is why I made the playlist. Enjoy thinking about all of those Capricorn placements.